4 year old angry

Your 4-Year-Old Is Throwing Things When Angry? READ THIS!

Are you tired of fetching everything your 4-year-old throws?

Does your 4-year-old throw things when angry?

Do you want to put a brake on his hurling habit?

Any new milestone, including holding and throwing objects in the air, is part of development. For a 4-year-old child, throwing things can be an exciting thing. 

They love to see the cause and effect of specific actions. But unfortunately, some do it because of anger, frustration, and stubbornness.

The good news is, “ This too shall pass.” This impulsive behavior will pass over time when the child discovers another new, less destructive way to express himself.

In this article, we will cover why a 4-year-old throws things when he is angry and what to do when he is doing so. We will also discuss preventing this behavior or teaching your child to control these strong emotions.

By the end of this article, I will suggest some storybooks, workbooks, and toys to teach your child “anger management”.

Why does your 4-year-old throw things when angry:

A 4-year-old throwing item is considered normal if this behavior does not become his regular pattern. Learning to throw things is a developmental milestone. However, if you notice the child throwing things to gain attention or show anger, frustration, and disappointment, these are not good signs, and you need to address them.

Some kids are more violent than others. Maybe because they are watching such cartoons and repeating them, or their sugar intake is higher than expected. Recent studies show excessive fructose may lead to a hyperactive foraging response and behavioral disorders.

“They see, they learn,” Some kids learn it from their parents. Either their parents do it out of anger or when they are fighting. 

It is normal human behavior to want to throw things or hit someone when angry, but this behavior should be controlled. 

What to do and not to do when your 4-year-old is angry and being physical?

While your 4-year-old will eventually outgrow this urge, try these do and don’ts strategies in the meantime when your child throws things when angry. 

1- Take him away from stuff that can hurt him or someone else:

Take him to the area of the house where he can’t find the things to pick and throw. Or put his soft toys to the reach and put them near him. 

2- Do not use words like “NO” & “DON’T.”:

Understand that it’s an outburst and a phase of his life. Usually, children do not listen to their parents and do whatever they want.

Do not use the words “No,” or “Don’t” when your 4-year-old is throwing things out of anger. The more you use words like “NO” and “DON’T,” the more the child will do it to annoy you. 

Instead of stopping him from doing the act, give him clear instructions on what to do.

Stand near him and say, “Stop! Calm down!” using a firm tone. Don’t fall for a polite manner, but don’t yell. 

Firmness will let the child know he’s doing something wrong; encouraging this behavior by being polite or yelling will worsen it. Four-year-old tantrums usually last between 2-5 minutes, so keep your temperament cool and act sensibly.

3- Talk to him when the child has done with the tantrum.

When the child looks less aggressive, approach him and say,” Come here, Talk to me!”. Tell him this is not how to behave and ask why he lost his cool. 

Offer him help or ask him to tell you what makes him do things like throwing, shouting, and screaming.

4-year-olds can express their feelings in words, so it’s best to encourage them to talk instead of being physical. Take a way to make him understand that throwing things is not good.

4- Ask him to pick the things he has thrown:

If he is ready to talk to you, then listen to him and say, “Okay, I understand what you are saying, but first, you need to pick up the things you have thrown, after that, we will talk about your problem again.”

The child may resist and say “NO”! But be firm and say, ”I will count till 10, you have to pick it up before that.”

Be firm yet ask him gently, and keep talking to him while he does the cleanup. Once he is done, sit with him closely and talk. Appreciate him for picking up the things but do not fall for his demands.

Do not provide what he was asking for at this time. Your child will learn to repeat this behavior when he needs something. 

How to teach your 4-years-old not to throw things out of strong emotions:

It is very common for kids to throw things out of frustration and anger. But being a parent, it is your responsibility to prevent such situations and teach your child to control his emotions and relax. 

Here are a few points that will help you. 

1- Avoid triggers

Observe what triggers your child. Analyze his patterns and reactions. Give him notice beforehand on the things which upset him.

For example, if he gets angry when you take away his tablet, try giving him a notice 10 minutes before taking his screen away.

2- Explain the consequences:

Teach the child the causes and effects of throwing things that are not meant to be thrown. Use a simple and polite tone to convey how the object could break or hurt someone.

If your child continues this behavior and breaks things, you will use one of his favorite toys and tell him, “I’m taking this to replace the thing you broke.” this consequence should come when nothing works. Let your child pay for the things he broke.

3- Do not give up on the tantrums:

Don’t ever give him the thing back for which all the drama has created. Be firm, and don’t talk about it for a few minutes. Leave the child for a while, and speak to him when he is done with the tantrum.

4- Set simple rules:

Whenever the child throws a toy, take it away for some time. Set a rule that the object will be removed each time he throws something. This technique will make the toddler realize that throwing things is unacceptable behavior.

5- Teach him patience and deep breathing:

Talk to him when he is calm, and tell him the importance of patience. Offer him water when throwing a tantrum and ask him to take deep breaths to overcome the behavior.

4-year-olds can follow instructions. They do understand what you are saying. Teach him the deep breathing technique that he can use to calm down when angry. 

6- Provide alternate things which are meant to be thrown:

Provide alternatives when the child seems to have an urge to throw objects. For example, you could offer objects meant to be thrown, such as a ball or Frisbee. It will help the child differentiate between objects intended to be thrown and those not allowed to be thrown.

7- Praise him when he is calm:

Each time you see the child behaving calmly, praise them. If they are playing with a toy without throwing it, you can say, “it’s great that you are not throwing it anymore,” or “you are a good boy/girl who does not throw the toy but cares for it.” Complementing good behavior encourages the child to repeat it.

8- Engage in cleaning the house:

Clean up the mess created by your child together. It could help the child see the damage they may not see in the heat of throwing things. Show the child how throwing things can damage them. Let your toddler know the extent of damage by not replacing anything they throw and break.

9- Cut sugar intake:

Try this hack, and you will see a significant difference in his behavior. Observe his eating habits. Cut sugar if you think it is mostly in all his meals. Excessive sugar intake makes the child more hyperactive and violent.

10- Set routine and screen time:

Make him disciplined from an early age. Set sleeping routine, meal routine, and screen time. The child will understand the importance of time, which will teach him patience.

11- Understand the child’s perspective:

Some children may have valid reasons for throwing objects, and it is essential to understand them. Observe when your toddler usually throws things. 

For instance, a toddler may throw things when hungry, or it is past bedtime, and they are not placed in their bed. First, determine and address the underlying cause; you can indirectly stop the child’s habit of throwing things.

12- Teach constructive ways to convey frustration:

When the toddler is in a good mood, teach them words and actions to express their emotions. Tell them that if they have a problem or are feeling sad or frustrated, they can always use words to communicate their feelings to their parents instead of throwing things.

13- Be peaceful and loving when reacting:

A child will understand the language of love more than that of anger. Therefore, be calm as you address the child’s behavior. If you cannot control your anger at the very moment, take some quiet time, and speak to your child later. 

Excessive force and fury could prompt a child to throw a tantrum and throw objects more aggressively.

14- Reduce screen time:

Last but most important, excessive screen time makes kids more aggressive. Reduce screen time, and you will see an improvement in your child’s behavior.

Things to help your 4-year-olds to manage anger:

You can use storybooks, workbooks, and some toys to help your 4-year-old to manage anger. 

see a doctor?

if you think your child is extremely aggressive, doesn’t create eye contact, or has other issues as well. It’s best to see a doctor.


It is normal human behavior to want to hit someone or throw things when angry. A 4-year-old will follow this “wish of throwing things,” but it is your responsibility to prevent anger (by preventing problems like hunger, exhaustion, or excess use of screen) or teaching the child “anger management.”

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